Dealing with the death of his father, Ken, was both a blessing and a challenge for Andrew Tank.
As a result of Covid-19, Andrew began working from his Indiana home the middle of March, and with his father’s health beginning to fade, he made the decision to come to Iowa, leaving his wife and daughter behind.
When Ken, 84, passed away at Clarissa Cook Hospice House in the early morning hours of Thursday, April 30, Andrew was there.
Two days later, with no visitation for his father, he stood among 15 to 20 people at Ken’s grave in Davenport’s Pine Hill Cemetery.
Ken was an icon in the rural Scott County community, and the Tank name was synonymous with Eldridge’s growth in the 1970s, when his father, Bob, was a popular banker.
However, when Ken was laid to rest, there was no “public” outpouring of love, thanks to the pandemic that has gripped the country.
“As far as Covid is concerned, it was both a positive and negative,” said Andrew, who works for Corteva Agriscience. “The positive being that I was able to spend more time with my parents and dad. However, at the same time it was sad not being able to have a visitation that he would have liked to have happen.
“A Celebration of Life will happen later, but that was a real bummer. Not being able to see people and give hugs, and just have some exchanging of words, you can’t do that through the mail.
“We just weren’t able to have those conversations with family and friends to help bring closure,” he continued. “That’s not saying that we haven’t heard via cards and emails, but it’s just not the same.”
Ken had suffered from Parkinson’s disease for several years, but was still able to attend North Scott basketball games less than three months ago. His health started to decline in March, and when Andrew’s work circumstances changed, he made the decision to move back to his parent’s farm just outside Maysville.
“I worked from home the first week, and after that I decided to come to Iowa to help out,” he said. “There was no hurry to get back, and Indiana was more locked down than Iowa was.
“It ended up being a blessing in a way, for as fast as Dad went downhill. My sister, Kathy, was off work, too, since her dentist’s office was closed, and we were able to help a lot more. If it was a normal time without Covid, it would have been a little difficult trying to go back and forth.”
Ken was able to live at home until shortly before his death, and the family made the decision to move him to Clarissa Cook. Again, due to Covid-19, his final days were challenging for the family.
“When we moved him, we were no longer able to visit face-to-face,” said Andrew. “We had to do it through the window or over the phone. Once the active stages of death began, we were able to have two people in the room.
“Unfortunately, at that point he wasn’t able to talk to us anymore. I think he knew we were there, but it’s hard to tell.”
Once Ken’s health began to fail, the family began making funeral preparations. They knew things would look decidedly different than they had anticipated.
“Back when I was still in Indiana, we started hearing stories about not being able to see people when they were in the hospital,” said Andrew, “and then not being able to attend funerals. We never saw it coming that we’d have to deal with it.
“I know Dad would’ve wanted to have a visitation, but we obviously weren’t able to do that. That was very frustrating, but that’s the world we’re living in right now. We heard that some people were doing drive-through visitations, but we didn’t want to do that. It just didn’t seem right. It just wouldn’t have been the same waving at someone.”
There was no family viewing. The 15-minute graveside service was led by Pastor Peter Marty of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Davenport. The only ones in attendance were Ken’s family, including Andrew’s wife, Kelly, and daughter, Abby, as well as Ken’s brother Jim, and wife Linda.
“Pastor Marty was the only one that spoke,” said Andrew. “The rest of us just exchanged a few hi’s and goodbyes, but everybody was pretty spread out. We kept our distance as best we could.”
One of the toughest things for the family was having to tell Ken’s sister, Lorna Sawyer, as both she and her husband, Norm, were on lockdown at The Kahl home.
“We had to tell Lorna over Facetime that we’d lost Dad,” said Andrew. “That was really hard.”
Andrew said that the “no visitation” situation was hardest on his mom, Annette.
“It was tough for Mom,” he said, “but she’s been on the phone a lot. I think we all would have liked to see people come by, especially ones that we haven’t seen for a few years, or people that knew Dad, but we didn’t know as well.
“There’s a part that feels like we didn’t get to have closure. The Celebration of Life will be great, and we’re hoping to do that in July, or maybe August or September, but at that point it won’t be the same.
“As far as grieving, it’s been different. I think having a full funeral would have helped us go through some of the emotions in a more normal way.”
Still, Andrew counts his blessings.
“We know of others who have people in the hospital, and their loved ones haven’t even been able to go see them, sometimes for weeks,” he said. “At least we were able to see Dad up until those final few days.”